


One Hell of a Favor

by mssticha



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Swearing, Tropes, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-26 00:57:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15652503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mssticha/pseuds/mssticha
Summary: Shepard agrees to do a favor for the Alliance to prove she isn't working for Cerberus. They ask more of her then she bargained for. Don't worry, it's fluffy and trope-filled, not my usual angst.





	One Hell of a Favor

Bad habits die hard, especially in times of stress. Somehow this stupid little event was more stressful than facing down a horde of enemies. Shepard chewed the skin along one freshly manicured nail. The paint was barely dry before she started destroying all of Miranda’s hard work, but it was either this or punching something. Chemicals coated her tongue, the taste as bitter as she felt. 

Anderson and Hackett asked for more than they had any right to at this point. But they knew Shepard well enough to know she would play along. Damn them.

Shepard sighed and gazed at the mirror. A woman with well-defined cheekbones, ruby red lips, and impossibly thick lashes stared back. Dark hair didn’t slip from the intricate twists and knots as she shook her head in disbelief. She looked like a completely different person. That was the point, but it didn’t make her feel any better considering the amount of time she spent struggling with her identity and reconciling the events that took place since Alchera.

It was all too much to handle.

Shepard jumped up from the chair and paced the small room. It wasn’t too late to run. Her muscles coiled and ached, ready to bolt, but she wasn’t dressed for a quick getaway. There was no way she could blend into a crowd even if she managed to get out of the building. Besides, running wasn’t her style.

The last tight turn left her staring at the dreaded garment hanging mere inches away. “How the hell did I get myself into this one?” Shepard sighed.

“You wanted to prove your allegiance to your precious Alliance and the powers-that-be were gracious as always.” Miranda emerged from the shadows, two wine glasses in hand. She held one out and smiled. “No harm in a drink or two before you crawl through glass as penance. They can’t begrudge you that considering what you’re doing for them.”

“Cheers to that.” Shepard raised the glass and drained it in one gulp. It was not nearly enough alcohol for the task ahead. “Don’t happen to have the bottle hidden somewhere in that dress of yours, do you?”

“I couldn’t fit a credit chit in this dress.” Miranda smoothed the fabric over her curves and sighed. “Not the style I would’ve chosen, but at least it fits and the color is pretty. I can’t say the same for my hair.” She huffed through curled lips as she inspected one blonde tendril.

“Trade you,” Shepard muttered into her glass. It was still empty, no matter how many times she lifted it to her lips. She finally gave up and set it aside. “How’s it look out there?”

“It’s a full house. The Alliance is efficient in getting the word out on short notice, I’ll give them that. Of course, the fact that you managed to involve the Shadow Broker has a lot more to do with it. They owe you much more than you owe them at this point.” Miranda’s words hung in the air, a carefully delivered way out for Shepard. She watched for any sign of hesitation.

There was none. Shepard was past the point of no return. “Any word on my… how do I put this… my Alliance handler?”

Miranda moved across the room with practiced ease until she was right behind Shepard. “No idea. They weren’t in position yet.” Soft, melodic tones drifted in from the next room. It was almost go time. She pulled the garment free of the rack and held it out. “Sounds like they’re almost ready for you.”

Shepard scrunched her face up and turned towards the uniform chosen for her. “I guess you better strap me into this torture device so we can get this over with.”

Miranda made short work of her task, then stepped back and looked over her handywork. “Wow, you look…”

Shepard rolled her eyes and turned on one heel before Miranda could finish the sentence. There was no time for sentimentality. “Let’s just get this over with so we can go back to hunting Collectors, shall we?” she called over her shoulder as she marched through the door.

“Wait, you forgot this!” Miranda rushed out in Shepard’s wake. “You can’t forget your bouquet.” She stepped back and smiled. “You really are a beautiful bride.”

“Fuck you.”

The swell of music drowned out Shepard’s harsh whisper. The crowd turned as one to face the bride as she made her way down the aisle in time with the rhythm. The stench of power, wealth, and corruption swirled around the guests like a thick fog. They were a veritable who’s who of criminals, crime-lords, and the type of scum that spread like the plague, and they all dropped everything when the Shadow Broker sent word. Someone powerful invited them to the event of the season and that’s all they needed to know. It didn’t matter that none of them knew her. This was a opportunity to be seen and network, and the response rate was 100%. And they were all watching her.

Eyes forward, she glided down the aisle on impossibly high heels. Every single part of her outfit was impractical, designed for appearance rather than comfort or ease of movement. It was clearly designed by a man. One who probably never saw a woman naked in his life. She pushed forward on screaming feet, but at least the song was slow. It gave her plenty of time to bemoan her position.

Of all the hair-brained, convoluted plans the Alliance could come up with…

There were plenty of people planted throughout the room, including Alliance and C-sec, but Shepard didn’t trust her back to just anyone these days. Members of her crew were positioned in key places, with the the less recognizable among them comprising a large part of the eclectic wedding party waiting patiently at the altar. The three humans crew members watched her carefully as she approached, their eyebrows raised to tell her something important that she couldn’t decipher. It didn’t matter; they were all good at what they did. Her back was covered if things went south.

It wasn’t that she was some hopeless damsel in distress. Far from it. There was a gun strapped to her upper thigh, one tucked deep into her cleavage, and biotics at her disposal, so she could definitely hold her own. Eyes on the back of her head was one thing she didn’t have, though. All she could see was the back of the Alliance handler waiting at the end of the aisle. His broad shoulders filled the tailored jacket and the fitted pants hugged his muscular legs. He was strong, that much was obvious. That only meant he knew he way around a set of stationary weights, not that he was good in a fight. Knowing the way the Alliance treated her lately, she wasn’t holding her breath.

Nothing else about that man’s appearance instilled confidence, from his blue hair with douchey white tips to the way he popped his oversized collar. _And was he… Yup. He was wearing sunglasses_. The fact that he didn’t bother to even catch a glimpse of her this entire time was just icing on the cardboard wedding cake. He already managed to piss her off. It was sure as hell no way to start a marriage - even a fake one.

She was mere steps from the end of the aisle when the Alliance handler reached back with one hand and wiggled his fingers impatiently. Shepard stopped mid-step, all of her weight on one leg. Her ankle wobbled in protest, but the thought of taking those last steps and joining that jackass was too much. Heat rushed to her face. Her lips pursed into a tight circle and her right eye twitched. Nobody rushed a bride down the aisle and expected to live. 

But she was not a real bride. This was all a set-up, and she had no personal stake in the matter. She took a cleansing breath to regain control of her anger, then reached to take the Alliance soldier’s hand.

Electricity surged up her arm the second their hands met. 

Miranda clicked her tongue and surged forward. She took the bouquet that hung loosely at Shepard’s side, forgotten. 

A small, self-satisfied smile pulled the scars along the edges of Alliance soldier’s mouth. He slid his sunglasses onto the top of his head and winked. Kaidan definitely knew how to make an entrance. 

A warm flush climbed Shepard’s cheeks and her heart skipped a beat while emotions flitted through too fast to identify. She blinked furiously while her brain struggled to catch up, but nothing made sense.

“What the fuck?” The question was little more than a high giggle that escaped Shepard’s tight smile. She leaned in until her lips hovered so close to Kaidan she could practically taste the hair gel. “What the hell is going on?”

His smile faltered. “What, you’re not happy to see me?” 

The lights dimmed until only the tiny lights on the altar twinkled. Shepard and Kaidan’s back-lit faces were lost in shadow. A war of emotions waged in their expressions, private and hidden in the sudden darkness. They stared at one another in the heavy silence, the tension between them almost palpable.

Music swelled and a bright light focused on the side of the room. A jewel-laden officiant made her grand entrance. Little rainbows danced along the walls where the lights bounced off her glittering curves as she strode forward. The path glowed underfoot with every step she took. Whatever religion this was, understatement and modesty were not key tenets.

Shepard ignored the dramatics and locked eyes with the man at her side. “You’re the one who walked away from me on Horizon, remember? What are you doing here?” she demanded, her harsh whisper sharp as a knife.

“Anderson thought you’d handle this better if…”

“Of course he’s behind this.”

“Don’t interrupt me,” Kaidan whispered back. “I wanted to be here. I told you I was sorry…”

The officiant cleared her throat and stared at the couple. She was directly in front of them and neither one noticed. The both looked up sheepishly. Satisfied, she held up a glowing staff and made several gestures. The room fell silent. Nobody so much as breathed until the priestess started to chant in a foreign language. A bell rang after each phrase, and the priestess took a step with each chime until she stood under the intricate arch. “Please join me at the altar,” she called out to the bridal couple. Her lithe body swayed to the rhythm of the haunting tune she hummed as the couple climbed the steps in unison. Once they were in place she nodded for them to kneel.

Shepard relished the release of pressure from her feet and ankles. The cushion under their knees was soft. The flowers on the altar were beautiful and filled the air with sweet fragrance. Peace washed over her mind, almost as if she were entranced. There was no reason to fight it, so she let go. A battle still waged deep within her heart. She had no idea what she wanted to say or do when this was all over. It was all so confusing.

“... You may now kiss the bride.”

Shepard blinked herself back to reality. She and Kaidan were standing face to face, hands locked and fingers entwined. The ceremony was over and she spent the entire time on autopilot. 

Kaidan pulled her into a warm embrace. One arm encircled her waist and held her tight while the other hand glided up her back and caressed her neck. His fingers danced along her amp port and sent shivers down her spine. Her body melted into his. Her eyes fluttered shut and the universe dissolved into the tender press of his lips and the gentle caress of his tongue.

Cheers erupted through the room. Both Shepard and Kaidan smiled. Kaidan leaned over and kissed the top of Shepard’s head as the officiant gave the guests directions to move into the next room for cocktails and hors d'oeuvres. “I missed you,” he whispered into her hair as the crowd filtered out. 

Shepard’s eyes narrowed the moment the last guest left the room. “We’re not done yet.” She let go of Kaidan’s hand and faced him. Her mouth still tingled from his kiss, but there was more than one reason she was shaking. “You and I have to set a few things straight before we go in there. She kicked off her shoes and marched towards the small dressing room in the back without turning to see if he followed. He would, if he knew what was good for him.

There was a lot riding on this mission, and they both had to be a convincing as possible for the next part. Their guests were all notorious people with dangerous connections, and they had to strike before word got out. That meant they had to work as a team, and to do that they needed to get past everything built up between them. 

The impromptu meeting took longer than expected. The music had already started by the time Shepard and Kaidan joined the rest of the wedding part at the door. It wasn’t like they could go on without them, though. Kaidan knocked twice and the door opened. The party entered the reception in pairs as they were introduced, each alias more ridiculous than the last. They all took their places and waited. A new song began and the MC introduced the happy couple. Kaidan and Shepard played the part well. They entered hand in hand, faces flushed and smiles wide. The room fell silent for a beat, then the band called for everyone to take a glass of champagne to toast the happy couple.

That was the cue. 

Alliance, C-sec, and Shepard’s team all swarmed on the clueless guests. Everyone was cuffed and processed immediately. Almost all the names on both the Alliance and the Citadel’s most wanted lists were crossed off within minutes; no shots fired and nobody on the outside alerted thanks in large part to the drugged alcohol that flowed freely after the ceremony.

The mission was a success.

“All right guys, the mission’s over,” Kaidan called out once everything died down. He looked around and smiled. “Although it would be a shame to let all of this go to waste…”

“You heard the man,” Shepard shouted to the well-dressed Alliance and C-Sec members still milling about. She grabbed a full bottle of champagne from a nearby table and held it up in salute. “To another successful mission.” Cheers filled the room as she pulled the cork out with her teeth and spit it at the stage, then tipped the bottle and drained it. She was square with the Alliance, the biggest criminals around were in custody, and she worked through most of her issues with Kaidan. This was one party they definitely earned. 

~~

 

Music blasted and drinks flowed freely. The reception turned into one hell of a party. The Normandy crew weren’t exactly joiners, though. They huddled in a small group at the end of the bar. 

“What do you think? Should we tell them the fake officiant didn’t show and that was a real priestess?” Jacob asked as he slid half the cake onto the bar and snagged an open seat. 

Miranda choked on her drink while Joker laughed.

“Are you kidding?” Joker shook his head and took a swig of beer. “That’s perfect.”

“At least they didn’t sign their real names on the license,” Miranda said once she regained her composure.

“You’d think that, wouldn’t you?” Garrus joined the group, his mandibles pulsing with amusement. “You’d be wrong, though.” His smile fell as he Miranda’s eyes bulged. “I’m sure it doesn’t really count though… They didn’t consummate it or anything…”

“Think again.” Kasumi’s sing-song voice drifted from somewhere in the far corner.

The Normandy crew exchanged glances, then looked over at their commander letting loose on the dance floor. This was the most relaxed Shepard had been since she woke up in the lab. The next stop was the Omega 4 relay, so they needed her at her best. That only left one option.

“We’ll tell her after we get back,” Joker said with a shrug. He held a fresh beer aloft. “Deal?”

“Deal,” the crew said in unison. They sealed it by clinking their glasses together.


End file.
